The Cold North
by ChardonnayLaBelle
Summary: When Jon starts to isolate himself more and more Robb get's worried and ends up in conflict with himself over feelings he dosen't want to accept. Story takes place in the beginning of season 1! Please Review, this is my first published story and I need all the constructive criticism I can get! *Everything belongs to Georg RR Martin, blahablah* (OBS: Slash fiction/BoyOnBoy romance!)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**.

_The rain was drizzling outside the the small window of the tower. Jon's eyes followed the movements of the grey clouds, which like concrete blocked the sky from giving sign of any rays of sun whatsoever. _

_He let his gaze wonder about, looking out on the landscape that was all silent and absent of movement or life. The cold of the north had only increased the last couple of months. Not enough for anyone to be able to say that a change was occurring for sure, but enough for the Starks to mutter their mantra while hiding from the cold in their big cloaks. _

_"Winter is coming"._

_On the courtyard beneath the tower two men were making their way to one of the bigger entrances to the main building. Jon followed them with his eyes, identifying them as his brother Robb Stark and his friend Theon Greyjoy. As they hurried to get away from the increasingly heavy rain Jon looked up once again towards that concrete sky, not helping to feel a little bit cold and alone in the old run down tower._

It was warm inside, and Robb went to place himself between Theon and his younger brother Bran with a large bowl of meat stew in front of him. People were quite talkative and there was a joyful murmur in the hall as the lords where warming up from the cold. Theon was occupied with letting everyone who wished to hear know about this girl he had met in a nearby village and how they had gotten it on together in the barn. The few who cared enough to pretend to listen would just nod their heads confirming that they heard what he was saying, even thou none of them believed a word he said.

At the sound of the door opening at the other end of the hall, Robb looked up to find Jon walking in and moving towards the table. With a gesture of the hand he pointed at the opposite side of the table and Jon sat down, bringing a bowl for himself with him. Instantly, theon and Jon would start bickering with each other about this and that, nothing to serious, but enough for all of them to wail their eyes and make a face saying: "Here we go again".

Watching the two going back and forth with whatever they were talking about (Robb stopped listening to the two of them a long time ago) he noticed that something was off with his half-sibling. It was like a veil of... melancholy? He couldn't find the proper word to describe it, and melancholy was probably not it since Jon always had been a little dark and broody. But he was dead sure that something wasn't quite right, so after the dinner was over he would tell Theon to walk ahead while he went in the opposite direction to follow his half brother through the empty corridors. It was very dark outside and if it wasn't for the flickering lights of the hallway lanterns the corridor would be almost to dark for anyone to navigate in.

It was dead quiet, and Robb started to wonder if he should make a sound to let Jon know that he was there and walked after him. But what would he say then? "I'm just walking after you, cause I thought you looked so gloomy"? Robb shook his head at the thought. The general stereotype of men having problem expressing emotions and concerns did not make him an exception. Even though most people saw him as a stable and down to earth personality he really didn't like social awkwardness and found himself feeling misplaced and lost every time he happened to be in such a situation.

As Jon turned around the corner, Robb realized that he might be going to his bedroom. Which, of course, is a legit thing to do after having dinner. Problem was that this was not like Jon at all, since he usually would want to hang out with the rest of them. He would usually not say much, but he would always be there. Robb tried to move as quietly as possible, not to make a sound to loud so he would be caught stalking his half brother, an action he really had now idea how he would explain and justify even to himself.

As he walked in, Jon left the door a little bit open, but just enough for the light to spread itself out on the floor as Jon lit a wax candle in a lantern standing by his bedside table.

Robb carefully moved closer to the small crack between the door and the wall, positioning his eyes so he could get a look at the room on the other side without being seen to easily.

Jon was sitting on his bed, just staring at the wall and moving his lips like he was saying something to himself. He continued to mumble as he walked over to a worn out dresser and fished out a undergarment shirt. With his back turned to Robb who was trying his hardest not to breath to loud he started to slowly remove his clothes, on piece of clothing at the time. As the outergarnments was removed, Robb could se his brothers toned body move underneath the undershirt. Jon's hands moved along his shoulders, like they were trying to ease up tensions in his muscles. After dropping the clothes on the dresser he sat down on the bed with his head bent down, looking almost like the illustration of tiredness as he closed his eyes and breathed out heavily.

The glow from the lantern flickered and made a golden glow play along the surface of his otherwise fair complexion. The ivory skin looked like it was glowing in the soft light of the candle, and his unruly curls had a shining shade of cinnamon in it. The face, the messy hair and his tired face was all bathing in the glowing light, making Jon look almost angelic.

Outside the room Robb started to look around nervously. What if someone saw him? It was hard for him to justify stalking his brother, but it was an entirely different thing to justify peeking on him while he was getting undressed. But for some reason, he just couldn't seem to stop. The shades of copper and cinnamon over Jon was so delicate and warm, it caught his eyes and fixated his attention. It called for his gaze, and he reluctantly obeyed to what he otherwise would considered a very strange behavior.

Jon stroked his hair out of his face, grabbed the hem of his undershirt and slowly started to pull it over his head, revealing a toned back where the muscles moved around under his golden glowing skin as he moved his arms. As he moved his arms up to stretch them out properly, the muscles on his back flexed into full strength and Robb's eyes tried to take it all in.

Once again he asked himself: What am I doing here? This is my brother for crying out loud!

Trying to pull himself together, he closed his eyes for a brief second, breathing deeply to calm his nerves. When he opened his eyes Jon was standing up, fidgeting with the buttons of his pants.

Robb's hands was almost shaking from the reaction of something so forbidden and beautiful. His brothers glowing skin and fit body sent shockwaves through his body to places he would be ashamed to acknowledge in a situation like this.

When Jon's pants dropped to the ground, revealing a pair of ivory cheeks contrasting from the copper colored gloom in the room, Robb shifted position nervously. He could feel the rush of blood to his groin, and how his body was reacting to the pleasure of seeing Jon's naked body revealed in all it's perfection. Even though his body instantly said yes and wanted to see more, Robb felt a strong voice in his head telling him it was wrong. What kind of a sick bastard gets turned on watching his own BROTHER undress?

Robb swallowed hard and looked at Jon as he bent over to fiddle with one of the drawers at the bottom of the dresser. He had to master all of his self control not to let his hand wander down to the regions of his body that was aching for him to satisfy.

Suddenly there was a noise further down the hall. The surprise made Robb's heart jolt and when Jon, who apparently also heard the noise, started to look in direction of the door Robb took to his feet and quickly got out of the corridor.

As quietly as possible he hurried outside and shut the door behind him. It was still raining, and in the darkness you wouldn't be able to see the raindrops if it wasn't for the light coming out of the windows of the house, transforming them into tiny drops of golden liquid, falling to the ground and creating shimmering little ponds of glowing fluid. The cold air in contrast to the coloring of the rain by the golden glow from the house made quite a beautiful little scene.

But Robb who was preoccupied with trying to stabilize his breath couldn't see any of it. He sat down next to the wall and buried his face in his hands. What was wrong with him? He had never before experienced feeling like this.

Or had he?

When Jon started to talk about joining the nightwatch at The Wall hadn't he felt a sting of longing in his heart, watching his beloved brother talking about how much he wanted to leave?

All those times his mother Catelyn would react with disapprovement against Jon, when he would sit next to Robb not wanting to talk or do anything but just be there.

Robb ran his fingers through his damp hair and looked out into the darkness infront of him. The other buildings was barely visible from where he was sitting. All the surroundings seemed to have been swallowed by the same darkness. The times passed on, and he couldn't tell how long he just sat there staring into the night.

Robb closed his eyes and allowed his head to fall back against the cold stone wall behind him.

- What's wrong with me? He whispered out into the night.

_A soft breeze went through the courtyard, blowing up some of the leaves lying on the ground. The night was silent, and no answer was given to him as he over and over again asked himself that same question._


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note:

The story advances and feelings get mixed up, hope you like it! xx

**Chapter 2.**

_The cold air caressed his haggard face. He stroked the stone walls of the room and looked out of the window on the landscape outside. The clouds were gathering, like a sign of what would come ahead. The cold started to spread through his body, giving him goosebumps and chills running down his back. It was so cold up here, and he couldn't for the life of him remember what he was doing and why he was up here._

_- Robb?_

_He turned around, and out of the shadows by the wall he emerged from the darkness, like the gods created him in all his ivory glory. Robbs hands trembled as he raised them towards the body of Jon Snow, that body he always yearned after. He got closer, and without even touching him he could feel the heath from his chest glowing against him. _

_Robb lowered his head, and brushed his lips against Jon's collarbone, making a soft whimpering escape his full lips. Even thou he didn't look at him, he could picture his face from within: Those beautiful locks framing his light complexion and luscious full lips moving to form whispers of pleasure while those heavy eyelids with black lashes rested against his glowing cheeks._  
><em>Robb's lips traveled up against his neck, feeling the heat from his body against his. The erotic tension building up between them was so thick he could cut it with a knife. <em>

_Instead, he savored the light touches of his lips against the object of all of his fantasies. The feeling of caressing his warm skin and the sound of his breath underneath his touch was intoxicating to him. Like a force of nature pulling him closer, making him want more, the need for Jon's body never seemed to decay. _

_His hands went around his waist and caressed his back. Slowly they explored the surface of that muscular body, moving up to feel the movement from his broad shoulder, then slowly moving down to that one place that his dreams always evolved around... _

With a jolt as if he was struck by lightning Robb woke pup, panting and sweating. His body was aching for the touch, but the feeling of guilt coming over him wouldn't let it happened. He had already done it before, when the wanting and yearning for His body became to much for him to handle. Robb turned over to the side and tried to close his eyes once more, hoping that the night would bring him peace and salvation from the haunting longing that possessed his mind.

–-

Jon tried his hardest to focus on his breakfast, but it was hard when the hour was so early and Theon had decided to be his usual self and not only brag about bravades that he never accomplished, but also when he made his greatest effort in making Jon feel as unwelcome as possible.

- Theon, I understand that this is amusing to you, but do you really think its appropriate to speak like that with a lady in the room?

Theon jolted at the words and looked up behind him, only to see Sansa smiling against him.

Theon looked down and mumbled some excuse before he left for the door.

- Thanks for that, Jon said and gave her a grateful look.

Sansa just smiled back at him.

- No problem, I know that he can be quite the jerk sometimes. Even Robb complains about him.

Jon looked down at his plate as he listened to her.

Robb had been acting so weird against him lately, it felt like he was avoiding him for some reason. Could it be that he finally felt that it wasn't worth his time to be friends with a bastard when he himself was a lord?

No, that couldn't be it. Even thou there were others who thought so, Jon knew that Robb was to kind and good hearted to think like that about others. If he only dared to ask him what was wrong, everything would sort itself out. Problem was, he didn't. Jon had never been the one who would start an awkward conversation, and worse was that neither was Robb.

- ...It's Al just so exciting, we never have people over from anywhere but the north, and I really would like to know what it's like in King's Landing!

Sansa had something warm and excited about her eyes as she looked at Jon for a response. He just smiled back and said yes.

The doors on the other side of the hall opened, and Robb came in. His face looked haggard, as if he hadn't slept for the whole night. Jon took a sip from his cup, pretending to look at the ring of his cup just to be able to look in his direction. There was something seriously off with him, and Jon couldn't help but to feel that he had to know what it was.

After breakfast Robb went out in the stables to get his horse ready for a ride out in the woods. It had been a long time since he had the chance to go out anywhere by himself just to think, so he was really looking forward to this opportunity to let his mind breath outside the castle walls.

It was something special about being able to escape your problems on a horseback. It really made him feel like he could just sit up and ride away from his worries and for a minute stop existing as a personality, and instead become absorbed in the moment ant cease to be burden by his social context.

The sound of steps behind him made him turn around, just to find Jon Snow standing by the entrance looking at him with those dark brown eyes starring straight at him.

- Where are you going?

- Just out for a ride in the woods, Robb answered and turned back to fidgeting with the saddle so Jon couldn't see his face. He could feel his presence as he stood there behind his back, and his eyes looking at his back. Robb wanted to say something, but what? He felt to awkward to act and to awkward not to, so he just stood there and tried to fasten the straps on his saddle. He could hear Jons footsteps again, coming up to stand next to him.

Robb turned his eyes against Jon and looked at him. There was nothing he rather wanted then to get closer to him. Feel his skin underneath his hands, the heat of his toned body against his palm as he explored every inch of him...

Robb snapped out of his daydreaming and finished fastening the straps. Jon was just standing there, looking at him without saying a word. Even thou Robb wanted to stay, maybe not to show him that he wanted to be with him, but at least to show that he didn't want to NOT be with him.

But he couldn't. The awkward feeling was to strong, and if he stayed, he felt it would be weird and Jon would wonder what he was up to. Wasn't he supposed to go horseback riding?

- Would you mind if I joined?

Robb swallowed hard. "Most important now is not to act like this all of a sudden is a big deal", he thought to himself.

- Sure, grab a horse and we'll go.

As they rode through the the fields at the outskirts of Winterfell a comfortable silence arose between the two of them. Being on a horseback and just move forward, not saying a word felt so natural. Robb smiled on the inside, glad that the awkward feeling disappeared and was replaced with a feeling of tranquility. And no wonder: the landscape was covered in a thin veil of the last morning dew rising from the ground and turning the landscape into a shimmering sight of exceptional beauty. There was no sign of movement or life, all was still and the only sound there was came from the horses as they made their way through the fields.

Jon looked at Robb. He was riding a little bit behind him, so he didn't have to turn his head to see him in half-way profile. The curly brown hair had a glowing luster about it that made it look almost as if it was liquid when the early sunrays kissed its lengths. Even thou Jon felt a little bit annoyed and almost hurt by the way Robb had been acting lately, he couldn't help but to feel that everything in life was good when he was there with his friend.

Jon couldn't help but to feel sad at the same time. The thought of everything he had here in Winterfell created an inner conflict with himself regarding the future. He had been talking about going to The Wall quite some time now, but never really said that he would for sure. Most people at Winterfell probably didn't think he would go, but after feeling more and more alienated from the rest of them he couldn't help but feel that maybe The Wall was the only place for someone like him.

At the same time he felt like he was leaving the only thing of matter to him: these people was his family. At least they were the closest thing he ever came to having one, even thou Catelyn played her part for him to never feel that way. Always the outcast, but never really alone. In the twilight of belonging where he neither had a place to call his own and neither had reason enough to leave, he was afraid to forever be stuck and never move on.

They had come up on a hill now, where both of their horses stood still, allowing them to behold the beauty that was right in front of them but that none of them really could see.

Jon looked at Robb once more. His high cheekbones and strong jawline created a play with light and shadows over his face as it was faintly lit by the morning sun. The light was so soft it almost gave the world a transparent feeling, as if the light never fully reached them but remained as golden trails in the air around them.

Jon took a deep breath.

- I think I will be leaving for The Wall after the House of Baratheon has made their visit to Winterfell.

Robb didn't seem to notice him speaking at first, but made a quick nod to show him that he understood. Jon looked at him carefully. There was nothing in his face that would say anything about how I felt about it. Except for the eyes, Jon couldn't put his finger of it, but it was like a small flicker somewhere in there. A moment later it was gone, and Robb cleared his throat and started to look the other way.

Jon could understand him. They grew up together, and heck, they were half-brothers! Who wouldn't feel sad if their brother was to leave and not come back again? He knew that Robb, just like himself, really struggled with handling awkward situations and therefore he understood why his brother and friend didn't say anything.

The silence remained between them, eventually Robb said something about having to go home again, and they both turned their horses back to Winterfell again.

It wasn't just talk. He was actually going through with it.

The thoughts made a screaming rampage in his head, going around in circles and not allowing him to find order amongst them.

"He really plans on going through. What am I to do when he's gone?", Robb thought as he was riding back to Winterfell with Jon by his side. Filled up with the fair of being left behind, all he wanted to do was to fall into his arms and let it all out against his shoulders. Tell him that he didn't want him to go, and that they couldn't be separated.

"But how do I tell him anything without saying to much?", Robb thought to himself as he tried to keep calm on the outside.

The problem was that he really had known that this day was coming, but to afraid of realizing the truth he had ignored it in hopes that it all would go away. Now, it was to late and there really was nothing he could do about it anymore.

Robb was walking up the stairs from the dinner hall, passing by a servant on the way to his chamber. He usually always said hi when he passed by someone, that's how he had been raised and it was something that really stayed with him. But right now, his inner chaos got the best of him, and he hardly noticed anything around him as he walked the familiar corridors to his chamber.

His thoughts lingered around what Jon had said when they went out with the horses that morning. The rest of the day had disappeared in a maze of confused feelings and a devoted attempt to avoid Jon as much as possible. He just couldn't bear to face him with the risk of not being able to hold up the facade he needed to cover up how he really felt.

He closed the door behind him and lit the candle by his dresser and laid down on the bed.

Lying on the side, with his legs pulled pup in front of him he watched the candle light burn in the otherwise darkened room.

Jon paced back and forth in his chamber. What was he supposed to do? He wasn't the one who had been acting all distant and rejecting! The furry started to build up within him. How was he supposed to do anything now when I couldn't even get a reaction out of Robb? For the god's sake, he was supposed to be his brother!

- Damn it! Jon cursed under his breath as he kicked his bedpost.

Frustrated he sat down on his bed and tied to figure something out. It didn't go very well for him since he had started to drink quite a bit during the dinner to handle his mixed feelings. One part of him was hurt for not getting any proper response, and therefore he felt lonely and isolated. Another part of him was furious at Robb for making him feel neglected when he should be there for him. He was his brother, if anyone should be backing him up and showing him support it should be him!

"But maybe, the fine 'Lord' is too occupied with learning how to rule to even care about his fellow man?", Jon thought angrily to himself as he got up and kept pacing around his chamber.

He had to get an answer. He didn't even care what it would be, just a reaction of any sort would do. Jon quickly put his boots on, and stormed out the door, forgetting that he was only wearing his trousers and undershirt.

He wanted an answer, and Robb was going to give it to him!

Robb winced at the sound of banging against his door. Who was disturbing him at this late hour? To tired to care, and trying to cover up the trails of tears that had dried against his chin, he just stayed on the bed as quiet as he could and hoped that whoever it was would walk away and leave him alone.

The banging appeared again, and Robb quickly rose to his feet. He ran over to the dresser, grabbed a cloth and moist it with water from a bowl and cleaned up his face to hide all traces of his earlier outburst. After taking a deep breath, he opened the door just as a new tirade of banging had begun.

Jon literally fell through the door as Robb opened it, and there was not a second of doubt when Robb laid eyes on him. He was drunk.

The two of them stood there for what felt like forever, starring at eachother. Jon, with what he thought was a challenging look in his eyes, and Robb looking nervous to the edge of freaking out.

Was there anything you came for? Robb asked as they just stood there. If he didn't say anything, the awkward moment would had gone on forever, and he just couldn't handle it.

Jon huffed as he looked Robb in the eyes with a not so friendly glare.

- Why don't you tell me, or is the 'lord' to busy with something else? Jon's voice did neither sound sarcastic or furious. It was low and filled with a dark feeling of neglect.

Robb just looked at him, and unable to come up with something to say he looked around him as to find an answer.

- What, you don't want to talk to me so badly you can't even dignify me with an answer? Im your brother for crying out loud, and you won't even show me the slightest bit of response! Am I that insignificant to you?

Jon's voice went from almost shouting to a deep bitterness that Robb couldn't recognize.

Robb still didn't know what to say, and fell silent as he sat down on the bed, avoiding eyecontact with his drunk and angry half sibling.

- I tell you that I'm going away to The Wall, where I will take a vow to spend my life serving the realm, and you don't even say anything. Not as much as a word expressing any sort of recognition of the fact that our time together will come to an end. Growing up together as brothers, didn't that meen anything to you?

Jon looked at Robb with exasperation in his eyes. Robb remained silent, with his eyes locked against the ground.

Jon breathed heavily as he walked up to Robb, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

- Say something!

But Robb couldn't, the only thing he felt was a never ending hopelessness that was swallowing him from the inside. He couldn't control it anymore, and dry sobs broke out of his chest.

Jon stopped shaking him when he saw Robb's eyes tearing up.

- I really don't want you to go, Robb whispered as he kept his gaze down, to ashamed to look Jon in the eyes.

Jon was taken by surprise at the reaction, and lost his trail of thought. All the bitterness seemed to fade as he watched Robb pull his knees up and burry his face in his hands trying to keep the tears back. Jon tried to come up with something to say or do, but he never knew what to do in situations like this. It wasn't common for at grown man to cry in front of others, even with family members it was uncommon.

Carefully he placed a hand on his shoulder and stroked it gently.

Robb slowly raised his head. His eyes where glowing from the light of the candle. It was like millions little dancing flickers of light moving around on his iris. His lips were trembling and Jon couldn't help to smile. He hadn't seen his brother like this since they were kids.

Robbs mind was racing. He didn't want him to go, but to afraid of saying everything, he said nothing. But the feeling of Jon's hands on his shoulder was intoxicating. He wanted them everywhere, caressing him all over and pulling him closer. Telling him everything would be fine and that they would be together.

As brothers.

_As lovers._

- Hey don't cry. Im not leaving today, and we WILL see eachother again.

Jon smiled at him as he touched his cheek with his thumb.

It was like making a hole in an hourglass. Like sand, all the feelings Robb had tried to suppress went out in the open. As he stood up quickly, Jon almost fell over, but he found his balance again and smiled at him until...

**He slammed his lips against Jon's, and prayed to the old Gods and the new that he would never leave, even thou he knew that after this he really would.**


End file.
